Chelsea v Burnley, Spurs v Luton and more â live | Premier League
Key events
Meanwhile, in Scotland
âUnitedâs best 45 minutes of the season sees them lead Raith 1-0 at half time, and it really should be more,â sys Simon McMahon. âBut we all know how these things work. I predict a nervous second halfâ¦â
Itâs âUnitedâ now, is it?
Chelsea 1-0 Burnley âIâm not a believer that refs should always prioritise keeping 22 men on the pitch â I strongly feel that because recklessness, dangerous play, and cynicism (and in particular diving/simulation) are often not penalised, we see them occur more often,â says Alex Whitney. âSo the fact that not only was that not a penalty, let alone a yellow, Iâm disappointed that the ref just singlehandedly ruined this match. On top of the calls in the Newcastle-West Ham match, this weekend is turning out dreadful for impactful calls and weâre only in the second match.â
The problem is the VAR threshold. Is it a clear and obvious error? To me it is, but Iâm just a bloke. I can understand people who will say it wasnât clear and obvious because he tried to impede him.
Half-time entertainment
Itâs half-time in the 3pm kick-offs, and these are the latest scores in all our featured games
Cyriel Dessers restores Rangersâ lead in the seventh minute of added time, most of which was because of that VAR festival either side of James Tavernierâs missed penalty.
Sevillaâs 1-0 win at Getafe in the early La Liga game was marred by, you guessed it, racist chanting
GOAL! Rangers 1-1 Hibernian (Maolida 45+2)
A big goal for Hibs, and Celtic. Myziane Maolida has equalised on the stroke of half-time at Ibrox.
Chelsea 1-0 Burnley Iâve just seen a video of the Chelsea penalty, and itâs fair to say it was Andrex-soft.
GOAL! Chelsea 1-0 Burnley (Palmer 44 pen)
With the regular taker Raheem Sterling on the subs bench, Cole Palmer strolls up and Panenkas the penalty straight down the middle. Maybe we should call it the Palmenka, eh, eh? Oh.
Cole Palmer with his dink. Photograph: Peter Cziborra/Action Images/Reuters
Vincent Kompany has also been sent off at Stamford Bridge, so we can probably assume his external monologue was also a riot.
The Clarets gaffer gets his marching orders. Photograph: Richard Pelham/Getty Images
Penalty to Chelsea! Red card to Burnley!
Vincent Kompanyâs internal monologue will be a riot. Lorenz Assignon has been given a second yellow card for pulling back Mudryk and Chelsea have a penalty.
Sheff Utd 0-0 Fulham The in-form Rodrigo Muniz has hit the post at Bramall Lane, where Fulham are on top. His first shot was pushed onto the post by Ivo Grbic; the ball came back to Muniz, who apparenetly tried a rabona and made a mess of it. If true, thatâs a sensational piece of trolling.
Nottm Forest 0-1 Crystal Palace âI know Walter did âNam and all that,â says Jeremy Boyce, âbut I bet he never enjoyed an afternoon or night out in NottinâNam. Are Palace the marmot in Nunoâs bathtub?â
Bournemouth 0-0 Everton Dominic Calvert-Lewin has just missed a decent chance for Everton, extending his goalless run. The life of the mind, eh.
Premier League Thereâs almost no point publishing the as-it-stands table, given the uncertainty over points deductions, so hereâs the bottom five.
GOAL! Rangers 1-0 Hibernian (Tavernier 26)
Right, VAR has been getting busy. Scott Wrightâs goal was disallowed for encroachment, but James Tavenier has just scored the opening goal. Nothing to do with the original penalty, this was in normal play, a crisp volley from the edge of the area.
Suppose weâd better update this again.
Half time: Bayer Leverkusen 0-1 Hoffenheim
Has Xabi Alonso taken Hoffenheim as far as he can?
Nottm Forest 0-1 Crystal Palace âDo you reckon,â begins Gerry Scott, âNuno hates the effing Eagles about now?â
This is my kind of Clockwatch. But Iâm not sure Walter would approve of all this craic on a Saturday.
NO GOAL! Chelsea 0-0 Burnley
The ball hit Disasiâs hand, apparently, so itâs been ruled out.
GOAL! Rangers 1-0 Hibernian (Wright 21)
Not content with flattening two of his teammates, Nectarios Triantos conceded a penalty at Ibrox. James Tavernierâs kick was saved but Scott Wright scored the rebound.
Tottenham 0-1 Luton Spurs have just had a great double chance, apparently. Itâs probably fair to assume this game wonât end 1-0.
Edit: Son hit both posts and then a follow-up shot was cleared off the line.
GOAL! Chelsea 1-0 Burnley (Disasi 20)
Chelsea are in front at the Bridge.
Rangers 0-0 Hibernian A fiasco for the ages at Ibrox. Hibsâ Nectarios Triantis took a quick free-kick and accidentally leathered the ball straight into the noggin of a teammate, Joe Newell I think. He was poleaxed, and the ball ricocheted to hit another Hibs player in the head and knock him off his feet as well.
GOAL! Nottm Forest 0-1 Crystal Palace (Mateta 11)
Nottingham Forestâs month from hell contines. The wizard Ebere Eze has made a goal for Jean-Phillipe Mateta at the City Ground.
Jean-Philippe Mateta punishes the forest defence. Photograph: Marc Atkins/Getty ImagesWatch out, flag! Photograph: Sebastian Frej/MB Media/Getty Images
âWith regard to Larry demanding exciting football,â writes Peadar in Poland, âI really hope West Ham get their car back and the Credence tapes.â
BREAKING NEWS: HOFFENHEIM HAVE CROSSED THE HALFWAY LINE. Maximilian Beier cut inside from the left, played a one-two with Wout Weghorst and sidefooted the ball through the legs of Lukas Hradecky.
GOAL! Tottenham 0-1 Luton (Chong 3)
Yep. Tahith Chong has banged Luton ahead on the break. Andros Townsend, against his old club, robbed Son and ran 60 yards down the right. He screwed the ball back to Barkley, who had too much time to square it across the area to Chong. He had even more time to take a touch and drive a low shot across Vicario.
Chong fires the Hatters into a third minute lead! Photograph: Dylan Martinez/ReutersChong celebrates in hair-raising style. Photograph: Dylan Martinez/Reuters
Match report: Newcastle 4-3 West Ham
Do you see what happens, Larry, if you demand exciting football?
Leverkusen 0-0 Hoffenheim Almost half an hour gone in Germany, where the leaders are still goalless against Hoffenheim. Look, itâs illegal to watch the game here so Iâve no idea what happened, but the old xG is 0.26-0.00. Weâve instructed local reporters to investigate whether Hoffenheim have crossed the halfway line.
âHelp!â is the promising subject of Simon McMahonâs email. âOnly one show in town in Scotland today, Rob, and itâs at Tannadice where Scottish Championship leaders and champions-elect renowned big-game bottlers Dundee United play Raith Rovers, a point behind United but with a game in hand. Failure to win today would see the destination of the title move outwith Unitedâs own hands for the first time this season, with only a handful of games left to play. And theyâve only themselves to blame. Inconsistent home form, an inability to settle on a best XI from a manager who has been consistently tactically outmanoeuvred by others with far fewer resources, loss of form / confidence at key moments, one point from nine against their only rivals for the title.
âYet for all that we[hang on, werenât they âtheyâ a minute ago â ed.] should still be miles clear. But weâre not, and another season in the Championship could be a live possibility at 5pm. Or we could be favourites again. For the last three months, both United and Raith have appeared to be actively trying not to win this league. But one of them will, and we should be a lot nearer to knowing who at full time today. As you can probably tell, Iâm all over the place. Like Unitedâs defence recently. That itâs come to this. Football, eh..? Itâs not the despair... etc etcâ
Talking of Scotland, because itâs all one place, the title of the new Arab Strap album is giving me untold joy. (NB: link contains emojis, and adult language)
Thanks Tom, outstanding work. Letâs start in La Liga, whereSevilla lead 1-0 at Getafe with a couple of minutes remaining. This, in truth, wouldnât ordinarily past the formidable Clockwatch bar. But the goal was scored by Sergio Ramos, on his birthday, and he celebrated by blowing out some imaginary candles. It would have been ever better if he had 38 fingers.
âGood morning from Pittsburgh!â chirps Eric Peterson, âIn the foreboding dread of my Evertonâs next points deduction, this bargain occurred to me, and I offer this to my fellow Toffeeheads for consideration. Imagine if the Premier League -- or whatever shadow organization is really handing down these sanctions -- offered the following deal: Evertonâs next points deduction will be equivalent to the number of goals that Dominic Calvert-Lewin and Beto combine to score over the rest of the Premier League season. Do you take it?â
An unenviable choice. But tell us more of this âshadow organisationâ.
And after that flurry of activity and chatter, itâs time to hand over to Rob Smyth whoâll talk you through the 3pm action.
Itâs also finished Aston Villa 2-2 Leicester in the mid-table tussle in the WSL.
Full-time: Newcastle 4-3 West Ham
And after an interminable 10-minutes-plus injury-time, Newcastle cling on for a massive win, which dents West Hamâs top-six hopes while boosting their own.
WSL full-time: Liverpool 1-4 Manchester City
Cityâs imperious run continues, Khadija Shaw scoring twice in an emphatic win over the fourth-placed side that puts the visitors three points clear at the top. Theyâve played one more game than Chelsea, of course, and Emma Hayesâs side arenât in league action this weekend, facing Arsenal in the Conti Cup finall tomorrow.
Goal! Newcastle 4-3 West Ham (Barnes 90)
Barnes has done it again! Barry Glendenning has much much more on a sensational late comeback
Goal! Newcastle 3-3 West Ham (Barnes 83)
Drama at St Jamesâ! Harvey Barnes strikes with a well worked equaliser, running on to Isakâs wonderfully weighted through ball and tucking it under Fabianski.
At Prenton Park, Khiara Keatingâs own goal has given Liverpool a consolation goal against Manchester City in the WSL. Itâs now 1-4 to City but Taylor Hinds deserves the credit for a stunning shot that thwacked the bar and rebounded in off the City keeper.
Goal! Newcastle 2-3 West Ham (Isak 77pen)
Aleksander Isak has just tucked a penalty into the corner to put Newcastle back in it at St Jamesâ Park after poor old Kalvin Phillips was adjudged to have fouled Anthony Gordon.
On other channels ⦠Newcastle have suffered too many defeats and injuries for their liking this term, and it looks like theyâre getting more where that came from today. Theyâre 1-3 down at home to West Ham, and Barry Glendenning has more:
Preamble
Afternoon everyone, as the Premier League returns for the run-in. This afternoonâs main points of interest centre around the asterisk-pockmarked relegation tussle, with Everton going to Bournemouth beset by points-deduction and takeover angst, not to mention concerns about their recent chronic lack of firepower on the pitch. Their partners in PSR crime (subject to appeal), Nottingham Forest, can haul themselves out of the drop zone their points deducation has dumped them in if they beat Crystal Palace and Luton donât win at Spurs, the only top-eight side in 3pm action.
Elsewhere, almost-doomed Sheffield United host Fulham and Burnley can boost their slim survival hopes by feeding on Chelseaâs overarching mood of discontent â though itâs something of a long shot.
Thereâs also another title race to home in on this afternoon though â and thatâs Bayer Leverkusenâs likely progress towards a first ever German title. Xabi Alonsoâs corporately-owned club may not offer the ideal underdog story, but in an era of repetitive uncompetitive superclub title wins, for one of Europeâs big leagues to be won by a side whoâve never won it before is a rare and treasurable prospect. Expect lots of close-up shots of Alonso to come in on the picture wires after his decision to stay put. Jonathan Wilson has written with characteristic insight on all that here. Lerverkusen host Hoffenheim in a 2.30pm GMT kick-off.
Weâve also got lunchtime WSL matches wrapping up soon â Emilia Hawkins is on Manchester Cityâs procession at Liverpool, with Khadija Shaw working her magic again â and in Serie A, Napoliâs season has taken another lurch for the worse â theyâve lost 0-3 at home to Atalanta, who in sixth place stretch their advantage over last yearâs champions a place below. And in Scotland, Rangers can go back to the top with victory over Hibs at Ibrox.
And while weâre waiting, hereâs yer 10 things: